A downer day

I don't even know how to start writing this day's blog, not because I can't find the words to describe an amazing event - moreso, it was more of the same for a cruise ship day.

I had several rides, the first of which was a family of English people who didn't tip. Great work, pommies, know I can always rely on you! Wonder if they realise I sometimes get more than my whole day's salary in a tip... Anyway, managed to get a lunch break today and found out the update on my boy's situation back home. He's in a bit of a funny headspace. don't blame him... but a couple of comments upset me a little (I think he was hungover or drunk at the time of writing so not all with it), and I worry he's doubting the strength of our relationship. I admit, I have those moments too, but I have 100% faith we will reunite and it will be great. We are meant to be together, I fully believe it.

One ride was fun, as they were all Puerto Rican and I was able to practise my bad Spanish with them. One lady even gave me her phone number to call her if I ever made it to Puerto Rico for somewhere to stay! What a sweetheart. At the moment, Puerto Rico does seem the cheapest route homeward, so it may well happen...

Altogether, I had 4 rides today. None were spectacularly different from the last, in fact I don't even know if I indeed had 5 rides. They all meld into one after a while. Today was the first day I started thinking... I wonder how long it'll be til I really start detesting coming to work. The busy season is only just beginning and there are already moments I wanna curse n yell.

Baby rabbits got born today but when I went to see them, the darn turtled was in their warren so they were all blocked from view. We tried to pull him off but he was wedged in good - worried he was suffocating them, but apparently it's all good. That way they grow fur quicker anyway. Still haven't seen the bloody new calf yet, and it's been 3 days!

I am tired now. And normally I would have tomorrow, Sunday, off but I got swapped the other day and now I have to work with J when the cruise ships are in. But apparently we have just one lot booked in, so maybe it will be dead after all. And dead Sundays can be DEAD. At least I'm not with D this time. Not that he's been too bad to work with, but when it's just him and I, he just talks and talks and talks, in the most annoying way possible. It's best when I have a buffer, someone else he can direct his inane thoughts towards.

I am going to admit now, I have been pretty depressed today and the drinking of beers while alone at night with just my thoughts is not helping one bit at all. But self-destructive happens to be one of my specialities. So I sit here, alone, thinking about the long-distance relationship I am trying to have with the love of my life. We both have our moments of doubt, this is clear, but I am so SO certain that he is the one, he is the person I was meant to meet and meant to share my life with.

Now I'm sorry if said person reads this and freaks out a little. I'm sorry. But these are all new feelings for me, and it's a roller coaster I never really expected to have to ride. So many thoughts are going through my head - and his, surely. I don't know if I can ride this out as long as I thought. Although, stubbornly, my self is telling.... myself.... that I should. While he, on the other side of the world, thinks exactly the same thing.

It's like we have this pigheaded road block stopping either of us from making the call and doing the grand, romantic gesture of following the other to the ends of the earth, quite literally. Or is it? I have my reasons, I guess he has his... Australia doesn't make the visa situation easy for our UK friends and I find it hard to part with this unique opportunity. But should I still be crying 6 weeks later??

I need to speak with him. Or I need to be patient. Either way, I'm not in the best way right now. My thoughts are all over the place. I never thought I'd say this but... I want my baby.