New beginnings... with a heavy heart

It's been a few months coming but now that it's here, it feels like time has just flown. I'm writing from LA, where I stay for just one night before hopping on a plane to Miami and then another to the Dutch/French island just 25km across known as St Maarten (SWXM).

I hate getting to the airport.

I hate airports. Full stop.

This airport was another difficult affair, as airports so often are... we left with what we thought would be plenty of time and ended up jam-locked in traffic just metres from the international departures gate. Frustrating? Indeed. To make matters worse, my brother was in no fit state to drive after a massive night out (though I thank him for driving, he did know it was going to be that day) and I refused to drive so I could sit in the back with A. Actually, I haven't blogged since we got together, have I?? Well, that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish which I would need weeks on the blogging machine to go into. Long story short, he's the one I've been in love with since London 1.5 years ago and came to Sydney to came me... ended up living together and then finally admitting our feelings (well, him mainly, I was open the whole time).

But I digress.

Finally at the airport, mum and my bro bid me farewell and I'm left with my boy and a strange feeling of coincidence from seeing dad's car drive past on the way into the gate. A is busy making excuses while I search for the check-in gate and there he is - my daddy standing there waiting, as a surprise. I was disappointed that for the first time he hadn't offered me a lift to the airport, but I guess this is why. Bless him. Felt bad that I had to just run off straight into security check as soon as I checked in. Seriously, what kind of airline boards an hour before??!

More drama came as I went to load my bag - which turned out to be ELEVEN kgs overweight - oops. So I hot-footed it to the post office to buy a big, plastic bag to halve my clothes (apparently I can take 2 bags but not it all in the one bag, suppose it WOULD be hard to lift 34.6 into the bottom of the aircraft). No probs there, as I ran back to check-in holding up my fisherman pants and trying to distract people from looking at the guacamole stains on my shirt from my rushed attempt at breakfast. And then there were the puffy eyes. What a state I was.

So dad is snapping away farewell airport pics - I swear he should dedicate a whole office wall to these by now - and I'm loving him documenting disastrous appearance forever and amen... But bless him. I shoot through security, customs etc and only get stopped once for a random explosives check. So I looked worse than first thought then. Never knew hippies were a target group for terrorists. Didn't really think that one through, did he...

On board, I was next to a couple of nice guys about my age - the one on my left having just left his English gf for a month of travel to the States (familiar much??), the right a bit more quiet but nice, just annoying when he fell asleep with his tray table down and a full drink swaying about, mocking me that I would never be able to climb over and release my bladder. Oh, the pain. I soon sorted that out but just picking up the drink, putting up his tray table and catapaulting over him, spilling his drink on both of us in the process and waking him up. Not the most successful mission. But he had a weird sleep smell anyway so murgh!

Couldn't sleep through the whole flight - no, actually, I could but pretty much as the seatbelts sign went back on for our descent. Instead, I satisfied my bf cravings by watching film after film of romance movies... Hangover 2, Bridesmaids, Cabaret, All That Jazz... everything I touched reminded me of him. So I cried, and cried, and cried. Drank some more free booze and cried. I was a mess. The guys next to me must have been wondering who the hell would want to be with such a creature.

There was a couple of little Asians girls nearby, who also disturbed me. Definitely not cute ones. Kept squealing and screaming in delight. I'm sorry, what is wrong with expressing happiness via the regular route of LAUGHTER?? Yes, you can tell I'm a bit sleep-deprived writing this. One of the kids stared at me in a "I'm so cute" way and I cast her an evil vampire stare which sent her running for mummy in the customs line. Yep, you can fuck right off little one. I'm fucking over it.

Took FOREVER to get through LAX and to my bag, of course I got questioned like a mother at board control but since I'm just passing through on the way to a different territory, I suppose they didn't really care so much. But I passed with sailing colours and almost fell into the waiting arms of B, our lovely family friend that is putting me up for the night before I fly onwards.

This is going to be an unforgettable adventure, for more reasons than one. It will be a test of my inner strength as I learn to live again without the love of my life, and it will be a test of my mental strength re-adapting to a new lifestyle yet again. I am excited but it is a bittersweet excitement. I don't know what the future will bring but I am ready to take it on. I just hope it's not too long until my soulmate is doing the same, right by my side.