I think I'm finally realising, really grasping what it's like to not be single. It really does change your life. At least your social life. I really have a different opinion of being out n about, like for once the only aim is not to fulfill my shallow ego dimensions and ensure I am left feeling completely (un)loved by some hot guy who probably would never even remember my name the next time we met. Not that we would ever meet again. Hopefully.
I can happily take myself home at Nana O'Clock knowing that I didn't have a whole night of pulling to come. Though I must admit it was entertaining, it does leave one lusting for a little more after it all. And I am 27, I really need to start taking responsibility for my actions soon. Or maybe a little later. It's cool if it's a little later... I don't like responsibility.
My boy wonders if I've really changed - and that's a fair call. Considering my playgirl past, yeah for sure I would be worried if I was the new, "change-my-life-forever" boyfriend. Was she really telling the truth, how do I know she isn't just saying this to get in my pants??
Well, as it turns out, when I say this to my boy, I am deadly serious. And if it's hard to work out, here is my theory... Ready... The reason I played around before is that I never found anyone to keep my interest. People used to say to me, "Do you think you'll ever have a serious relationship?" And while it didn't seem possible to me at that time, I said, well when I meet the right person...
And then that right person came along. And he finds it hard to believe. So me, all this non-monogomy, only open relationship kinda girl.... suddenly she just wants one guy. Because he makes her happy like no one else has before, he fills that gap in her life. What the hell is going on?? Well, this is precisely what I was predicting, the fact that I met "the one", this person that would set my world on fire. And keep it burning into the night.
Now that I have this amazing person, unbelievable as it is, I think, will I never party again like I used to? Well, not exactly... but I will still party. He just needs to trust me. He needs to understand - now that I have - that his presence in my life constitutes a massive change in direction and there is now no incentive to go cheatin', go lookin' ,go explorin' for something new.
This is real. This is life. This is what I have been waiting for. Now just trust me.
Showing posts with label boyfriend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boyfriend. Show all posts
Sunday, 30 October 2011
Friday, 28 October 2011
Alone in the Strong Morals Society
I stepped out my front door today to a sudden downpour - gotta love the tropics - and quickly retreated inside until it eased off. Not only to save my laptop from being ruined, but also to try and find my way around the instantly flooded streets. I swear, a few minutes of rain and I need to rent a kayak. Some drainage system they have here!
Ran into the 3 cheeky guides on horseback heading somewhere to exchange horses, all excited about the ride ahead. I gotta say, I wish I was with them! They're good value. They came back later with 3 new horses, all happy about their adventure. Meanwhile, I was dodging rainstorms and taking out non-tipping guests. Such is life.
Nothing that extraordinary happened today. I found the annoying guide a little less annoying and think, if we keep our boundaries, that I could actually not mind working with him. Kept joking around with the others, though, and went on a "get to know the trails" ride where I tried to absorb as much from I about the local flora and fauna.
Had a bit of a run around getting the horses back in too. I was on Muneca (doll in Spanish), who tried her darndest to keep up with Ritchie but was just too little. Bless her. Came down to the farm and pulled aside immediately by our boss, who reminded us that my horse was PREGNANT (did NOT know that) and that we should perhaps curtail the frantic dashing around, particularly when guests are wandering around. Apparently one lady dove into the kids playground when she saw us coming!
Happened upon some ducklings hatching today, pretty special moment seeing the little guys scrambling about all wet and with bits of egg on their heads. Hopefully they will all still be there in the morning, we've told the night watchman to be on guard for cheeky mongoose sharpening their claws nearby.
Participated for the first time in the weekly lessons, as last week's was canceled. Was looking forward to honing my skills and identifying my weak spots. I discussed with R which horse to take, and while he suggested I start with something a little easier, I asked for something a little more energetic and challenging, so Seductor it was.
Now this is the horse who was up on 2 legs before I'd left the stable last time, so I was determined to set things right. I will be boss. But true to form, he was very well behaved and while not the easiest horse I've ridden, was definitely better than I expected. I think if I keep using him we will both improve week on week. I even got compliments on how relaxed we both were with each other by R.
As I chugged down my out-of-date juice tonight (gotta watch it here, things get sold already past!) in the kitchen, I was asked to a wake across the road. Now I don't know if that qualifies as a date, but either way WEIRD. That same neighbour, just as I was typing that, just tried to corner me into going to the movies on the weekend with him. It got to the point where I just said, "I'm sorry I'm not going to the movies with you at any point." Get the message. Fuck, I even made sure my computer screen showed A and he even said, "Is that your boyfriend?" I swear it was in the same breath he started asking me out. Do these people have NO respect??
Today it was suggested that I "have a boyfriend here and a boyfriend there". Well, when you say it like that, how can it NOT be logical?? There's just one problem: I don't wanna ruin my chance of being happy with the person I love, now do I? Sheesh. Next!
Ran into the 3 cheeky guides on horseback heading somewhere to exchange horses, all excited about the ride ahead. I gotta say, I wish I was with them! They're good value. They came back later with 3 new horses, all happy about their adventure. Meanwhile, I was dodging rainstorms and taking out non-tipping guests. Such is life.
Nothing that extraordinary happened today. I found the annoying guide a little less annoying and think, if we keep our boundaries, that I could actually not mind working with him. Kept joking around with the others, though, and went on a "get to know the trails" ride where I tried to absorb as much from I about the local flora and fauna.
Had a bit of a run around getting the horses back in too. I was on Muneca (doll in Spanish), who tried her darndest to keep up with Ritchie but was just too little. Bless her. Came down to the farm and pulled aside immediately by our boss, who reminded us that my horse was PREGNANT (did NOT know that) and that we should perhaps curtail the frantic dashing around, particularly when guests are wandering around. Apparently one lady dove into the kids playground when she saw us coming!
Happened upon some ducklings hatching today, pretty special moment seeing the little guys scrambling about all wet and with bits of egg on their heads. Hopefully they will all still be there in the morning, we've told the night watchman to be on guard for cheeky mongoose sharpening their claws nearby.
Participated for the first time in the weekly lessons, as last week's was canceled. Was looking forward to honing my skills and identifying my weak spots. I discussed with R which horse to take, and while he suggested I start with something a little easier, I asked for something a little more energetic and challenging, so Seductor it was.
Now this is the horse who was up on 2 legs before I'd left the stable last time, so I was determined to set things right. I will be boss. But true to form, he was very well behaved and while not the easiest horse I've ridden, was definitely better than I expected. I think if I keep using him we will both improve week on week. I even got compliments on how relaxed we both were with each other by R.
As I chugged down my out-of-date juice tonight (gotta watch it here, things get sold already past!) in the kitchen, I was asked to a wake across the road. Now I don't know if that qualifies as a date, but either way WEIRD. That same neighbour, just as I was typing that, just tried to corner me into going to the movies on the weekend with him. It got to the point where I just said, "I'm sorry I'm not going to the movies with you at any point." Get the message. Fuck, I even made sure my computer screen showed A and he even said, "Is that your boyfriend?" I swear it was in the same breath he started asking me out. Do these people have NO respect??
Today it was suggested that I "have a boyfriend here and a boyfriend there". Well, when you say it like that, how can it NOT be logical?? There's just one problem: I don't wanna ruin my chance of being happy with the person I love, now do I? Sheesh. Next!
Saturday, 15 October 2011
New beginnings... with a heavy heart
It's been a few months coming but now that it's here, it feels like time has just flown. I'm writing from LA, where I stay for just one night before hopping on a plane to Miami and then another to the Dutch/French island just 25km across known as St Maarten (SWXM).
I hate getting to the airport.
I hate airports. Full stop.
This airport was another difficult affair, as airports so often are... we left with what we thought would be plenty of time and ended up jam-locked in traffic just metres from the international departures gate. Frustrating? Indeed. To make matters worse, my brother was in no fit state to drive after a massive night out (though I thank him for driving, he did know it was going to be that day) and I refused to drive so I could sit in the back with A. Actually, I haven't blogged since we got together, have I?? Well, that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish which I would need weeks on the blogging machine to go into. Long story short, he's the one I've been in love with since London 1.5 years ago and came to Sydney to came me... ended up living together and then finally admitting our feelings (well, him mainly, I was open the whole time).
But I digress.
Finally at the airport, mum and my bro bid me farewell and I'm left with my boy and a strange feeling of coincidence from seeing dad's car drive past on the way into the gate. A is busy making excuses while I search for the check-in gate and there he is - my daddy standing there waiting, as a surprise. I was disappointed that for the first time he hadn't offered me a lift to the airport, but I guess this is why. Bless him. Felt bad that I had to just run off straight into security check as soon as I checked in. Seriously, what kind of airline boards an hour before??!
More drama came as I went to load my bag - which turned out to be ELEVEN kgs overweight - oops. So I hot-footed it to the post office to buy a big, plastic bag to halve my clothes (apparently I can take 2 bags but not it all in the one bag, suppose it WOULD be hard to lift 34.6 into the bottom of the aircraft). No probs there, as I ran back to check-in holding up my fisherman pants and trying to distract people from looking at the guacamole stains on my shirt from my rushed attempt at breakfast. And then there were the puffy eyes. What a state I was.
So dad is snapping away farewell airport pics - I swear he should dedicate a whole office wall to these by now - and I'm loving him documenting disastrous appearance forever and amen... But bless him. I shoot through security, customs etc and only get stopped once for a random explosives check. So I looked worse than first thought then. Never knew hippies were a target group for terrorists. Didn't really think that one through, did he...
On board, I was next to a couple of nice guys about my age - the one on my left having just left his English gf for a month of travel to the States (familiar much??), the right a bit more quiet but nice, just annoying when he fell asleep with his tray table down and a full drink swaying about, mocking me that I would never be able to climb over and release my bladder. Oh, the pain. I soon sorted that out but just picking up the drink, putting up his tray table and catapaulting over him, spilling his drink on both of us in the process and waking him up. Not the most successful mission. But he had a weird sleep smell anyway so murgh!
Couldn't sleep through the whole flight - no, actually, I could but pretty much as the seatbelts sign went back on for our descent. Instead, I satisfied my bf cravings by watching film after film of romance movies... Hangover 2, Bridesmaids, Cabaret, All That Jazz... everything I touched reminded me of him. So I cried, and cried, and cried. Drank some more free booze and cried. I was a mess. The guys next to me must have been wondering who the hell would want to be with such a creature.
There was a couple of little Asians girls nearby, who also disturbed me. Definitely not cute ones. Kept squealing and screaming in delight. I'm sorry, what is wrong with expressing happiness via the regular route of LAUGHTER?? Yes, you can tell I'm a bit sleep-deprived writing this. One of the kids stared at me in a "I'm so cute" way and I cast her an evil vampire stare which sent her running for mummy in the customs line. Yep, you can fuck right off little one. I'm fucking over it.
Took FOREVER to get through LAX and to my bag, of course I got questioned like a mother at board control but since I'm just passing through on the way to a different territory, I suppose they didn't really care so much. But I passed with sailing colours and almost fell into the waiting arms of B, our lovely family friend that is putting me up for the night before I fly onwards.
This is going to be an unforgettable adventure, for more reasons than one. It will be a test of my inner strength as I learn to live again without the love of my life, and it will be a test of my mental strength re-adapting to a new lifestyle yet again. I am excited but it is a bittersweet excitement. I don't know what the future will bring but I am ready to take it on. I just hope it's not too long until my soulmate is doing the same, right by my side.
I hate getting to the airport.
I hate airports. Full stop.
This airport was another difficult affair, as airports so often are... we left with what we thought would be plenty of time and ended up jam-locked in traffic just metres from the international departures gate. Frustrating? Indeed. To make matters worse, my brother was in no fit state to drive after a massive night out (though I thank him for driving, he did know it was going to be that day) and I refused to drive so I could sit in the back with A. Actually, I haven't blogged since we got together, have I?? Well, that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish which I would need weeks on the blogging machine to go into. Long story short, he's the one I've been in love with since London 1.5 years ago and came to Sydney to came me... ended up living together and then finally admitting our feelings (well, him mainly, I was open the whole time).
But I digress.
Finally at the airport, mum and my bro bid me farewell and I'm left with my boy and a strange feeling of coincidence from seeing dad's car drive past on the way into the gate. A is busy making excuses while I search for the check-in gate and there he is - my daddy standing there waiting, as a surprise. I was disappointed that for the first time he hadn't offered me a lift to the airport, but I guess this is why. Bless him. Felt bad that I had to just run off straight into security check as soon as I checked in. Seriously, what kind of airline boards an hour before??!
More drama came as I went to load my bag - which turned out to be ELEVEN kgs overweight - oops. So I hot-footed it to the post office to buy a big, plastic bag to halve my clothes (apparently I can take 2 bags but not it all in the one bag, suppose it WOULD be hard to lift 34.6 into the bottom of the aircraft). No probs there, as I ran back to check-in holding up my fisherman pants and trying to distract people from looking at the guacamole stains on my shirt from my rushed attempt at breakfast. And then there were the puffy eyes. What a state I was.
So dad is snapping away farewell airport pics - I swear he should dedicate a whole office wall to these by now - and I'm loving him documenting disastrous appearance forever and amen... But bless him. I shoot through security, customs etc and only get stopped once for a random explosives check. So I looked worse than first thought then. Never knew hippies were a target group for terrorists. Didn't really think that one through, did he...
On board, I was next to a couple of nice guys about my age - the one on my left having just left his English gf for a month of travel to the States (familiar much??), the right a bit more quiet but nice, just annoying when he fell asleep with his tray table down and a full drink swaying about, mocking me that I would never be able to climb over and release my bladder. Oh, the pain. I soon sorted that out but just picking up the drink, putting up his tray table and catapaulting over him, spilling his drink on both of us in the process and waking him up. Not the most successful mission. But he had a weird sleep smell anyway so murgh!
Couldn't sleep through the whole flight - no, actually, I could but pretty much as the seatbelts sign went back on for our descent. Instead, I satisfied my bf cravings by watching film after film of romance movies... Hangover 2, Bridesmaids, Cabaret, All That Jazz... everything I touched reminded me of him. So I cried, and cried, and cried. Drank some more free booze and cried. I was a mess. The guys next to me must have been wondering who the hell would want to be with such a creature.
There was a couple of little Asians girls nearby, who also disturbed me. Definitely not cute ones. Kept squealing and screaming in delight. I'm sorry, what is wrong with expressing happiness via the regular route of LAUGHTER?? Yes, you can tell I'm a bit sleep-deprived writing this. One of the kids stared at me in a "I'm so cute" way and I cast her an evil vampire stare which sent her running for mummy in the customs line. Yep, you can fuck right off little one. I'm fucking over it.
Took FOREVER to get through LAX and to my bag, of course I got questioned like a mother at board control but since I'm just passing through on the way to a different territory, I suppose they didn't really care so much. But I passed with sailing colours and almost fell into the waiting arms of B, our lovely family friend that is putting me up for the night before I fly onwards.
This is going to be an unforgettable adventure, for more reasons than one. It will be a test of my inner strength as I learn to live again without the love of my life, and it will be a test of my mental strength re-adapting to a new lifestyle yet again. I am excited but it is a bittersweet excitement. I don't know what the future will bring but I am ready to take it on. I just hope it's not too long until my soulmate is doing the same, right by my side.
Saturday, 26 February 2011
Shit hitting fan & spraying everwhere time
Feel like shit today - but not because of last night's alcohol. Largely related, my pain is instead caused by stupid actions last night that caused someone else a great deal of pain. So, accordingly, anything shit that happens today is indeed worth dealing with.
What makes me upset today is the fact that I caused drama - as only I seem to do - and most probably ruined my new friend's relationship with her boyfriend. Not that it was the most healthy of relationships to begin with, given he was so easy to indulge, but still she was so very upset...
I've mentioned this guy before... he is probably the hottest Austrian guy I've met since being here, and of course he is my friend's boyfriend. I happened to tell him this last night, and of course the inevitable heavy flirting ensued. To the point that I ended up in a bathroom with him - memory gets fuzy at this point - although I'm pretty sure it was more innocent than I'd like to think. Definitely remember having a normal conversation with him... particularly cos my hosenträger (braces) were still intact when I walked out of there. To run smack bang into his gf waiting to accost me. Aye aye aye. And thy shitteth hath hitteth thy fan.
Seriously, why do I continue to do this damage to people?? Is it something inbuilt in me that just loves to see other people suffer? I just don't know. All I do know is that I need to grow up and start taking responsibility for my actions. Although with Rio Carnivale around the corner, that plan will probably be sidelined for the moment... Dammit.
What makes me upset today is the fact that I caused drama - as only I seem to do - and most probably ruined my new friend's relationship with her boyfriend. Not that it was the most healthy of relationships to begin with, given he was so easy to indulge, but still she was so very upset...
I've mentioned this guy before... he is probably the hottest Austrian guy I've met since being here, and of course he is my friend's boyfriend. I happened to tell him this last night, and of course the inevitable heavy flirting ensued. To the point that I ended up in a bathroom with him - memory gets fuzy at this point - although I'm pretty sure it was more innocent than I'd like to think. Definitely remember having a normal conversation with him... particularly cos my hosenträger (braces) were still intact when I walked out of there. To run smack bang into his gf waiting to accost me. Aye aye aye. And thy shitteth hath hitteth thy fan.
Seriously, why do I continue to do this damage to people?? Is it something inbuilt in me that just loves to see other people suffer? I just don't know. All I do know is that I need to grow up and start taking responsibility for my actions. Although with Rio Carnivale around the corner, that plan will probably be sidelined for the moment... Dammit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
