Croc of shit

One week in St Maarten. I'm feeling more settled, even wearing a staff t-shirt so I must be official. Never mind the t-shirts they gave me all seem to be "fat American tourist" size - the normal people sizes must've been snapped up.

I wore my Crocs for the first time today, they were good to get wet and dry again as I worked but I got a little rub on one foot and it was a bit uncomfortable riding in the arena. I think I will take my cowboy boots just in case still. That arena workout was also uncomfortable because it POURED during most of it, and Chico would not have a bar of it. Bucked then tried to escape route up a steep dirt hill. I don't think so, sweetheart.

Met the other worker who had just come back from holidays, I'd heard he'd been there 9 years or something so I was wondering if he'd be the nice type to teach me the ropes or an arrogant know-it-all. As it turns out, I don't like the guy. He's from Guyana, in South America, yet he reminds me more of the annoying Indian guys I've met. He talks so much but doesn't actually say anything, and I'm just not on the same level as him. If he dares get too comfortable around me to flirt like he does the other girls, I may projectile vomit. On him.

So I'm thinking this place isn't run so bad. We get our hours 7-5 with a 2 hours break (when possible) and 8-5 with a 1 hour break, and any hours we do past 5pm we get overtime for. Which is cool. And 2 days off a week, sometimes in a row. Like I got last week and will get again this week.

I can't wait for the high season, J tells me we can get over $100 in tips PER DAY - his record is $165. Crazy! That's like a week's wage here! And that will really be the only way I can come away from this island with money in my pocket. I do not want to go home broke again, if I can help it. Can just see the "told you so" smirk on dad's face now.

This is how funny it can be with tips... the other day I took 2 rides, got no tips cos they were Dutch. Today I took 1 ride, 2 American ladies - they each gave me $10. AND that was after one of their horses rolled on the sand, with her on it. Lucky she was unhurt and still could smile about it. Yeah, would be nice to be told about these little quirks the horses have. Oh well, live, learn and all that.

Now I'm back at the ranch (the apartment) where I'm sitting in the dark, illuminated only by my computer screen, with a seweragy smell seeping into the air and mozzies trying to make a meal out of my ankles, legs, arms, anything. Urgh! They attacked me last night, and I was SO HOT I couldn't use any sheets. Seriously, I was that hot that I had to get my water from the fridge and lie with it like a cold water bottle to get myself back to sleep.

My thoughts now turn to my future... our future... it's going to be a difficult next few years as one of us will surely always be sacrificing something. I really hope we can have that rare thing where we met in the middle and actually both want to do the same thing. But I know he wants to travel, make money, travel, then work on his career in the UK. I also want to travel, but there needs to be a time for me to sort my own life out. And obviously I will follow him wherever he - nay, we - go, but I worry a little how it will affect my longterm career options.

I think my own uncertainty about what career I want to have is feeding these thoughts... it really isn't that much to do with the boy. It's just so hard, not knowing what my purpose is on this earth. Hopefully we can figure it all out together. I'm certainly up for it.